Say When
by Sakura Sango
Summary: 'It's been three years! It's time to move on! Just let me in once and I promise you will like it! If we really are in a relationship for three years we should be able to be intimate once! Just once in this damned relationship.'


**Title:** Say When

**Author:** Saku (arizonaicerose)

**Rated:** PG-15

**Warnings:** Adult situations! LOL (more like a almost lime…not quite far enough along to warn for much), swear words

**Summary: **_'It's been three years! It's time to move on! Just let me in once and I promise you will like it! If we really are in a relationship for three years we should be able to be intimate once! Just once in this damned relationship._'

**A/N:** Why yes I do fail at titles. However did you know that? You deserve a cookie for figuring that out!

Prompt was: _-Saiyuki, Gojyo/Hakkai: masks, UST, keeping distance - Even with things supposedly settled, Hakkai always pushes him away, never lets him in. He can't move on from Kanan, even after all these years. But Gojyo stays anyway, always waiting._

_x-x-x-_

"_You let me in and_

_Begin to show it_

_We're terrified 'cuz_

_We're heading straight for it"_

_~ 'Say When' by The Fray_

_x-x-x-_

Fingers card through the short brown hair, as green eyes flutter shut. Sighing Hakkai leans into the touches, cheek resting on the palm of Gojyo's hand. Red veils the outside world away from them, leaving them hidden in their own world as he leans down lips ghosting the demon's; their lips brush lightly, like the wings of a butterfly.

Sighing again, Hakkai smiles as brings his hand up to card through the soft red tresses that hide them from the ugliness. Here there is no death, no horror, no fears. There are no demons fighting them or no traveling. All that resides inside this small world, that is hidden in the thin red curtain, is the beauty that they bask in and the love that they share.

Leaning down Gojyo kisses the tip of Hakkai's nose before moving to each eye lid. With the same practiced patience- the one he has learned after three years of pining for the man- he lightly ghosts his lips over Hakkai's jaw line, covering the beautiful face in light kisses.

Shifting slightly, he slides his leg over the other body until he sits lightly on Hakkai's hips. His thumb caresses the other man's cheek, nail lightly tracing the bone, before sliding down the man's face and neck. Shuddering Hakkai tosses his head back, gasping as he feels nails ghosting his neck. Whimpering his body fights on whether to move away from the light touch or to slide closer to the teasing. Instead he can only arch his back as he squirms on the bed.

Squirms that leave Gojyo biting his lip while trying to regain control of his body; already he can feel himself reacting to the delicious movements under him. His breathing quickens as crimson eyes clench shut, as he forces himself to keep from ripping off clothes and tossing the other demon onto his stomach to ravage him. Only though the years of practice (and of knee shots into his groin when he goes further then what Hakkai likes) can Gojyo slow his breathing and force himself to keep on the slow, loving path he is on.

Fingers slip under the hem of Hakkai's shirt as the red head nudges the fabric up and over the brunette's head. The fabric flutters as it falls to the floor beside the bed. Ghosting fingers resume their quest, as Gojyo traces each muscle. Panting Hakkai clenches his eyes shut, head falling to the side and hands fisting the pillow under his head. His face contorts into a mixture of pain and pleasure; and the simple grimace is more then enough of a warning for Gojyo as he watches Hakkai close himself off.

Hands rest firmly on Gojyo's chest, and the half demon silently pleads to the man under him to not stop. Not now. Not like this. Not when he was ready. When he feels Hakkai push firmly, Gojyo allows his body to be pushed off of his boyfriend and onto the mattress; until he is sitting with a leg bent. Gasping the red head tries to capture his breath (to regain control of his body that wants to continue) as he leans heavily on an arm that is draped over his bent knee.

Even with closed eyes he can feel Hakkai moving on the bed. And without looking he can tell that the he is curling up in a ball, eyes clenched tightly as he buries his face into the pillow. Gojyo knows that if he waits long enough, if he does not say anything that soon tears will streak that beautiful face. The face that he hates to see hurt every night.

"It's fine Hakkai." It takes every ounce of his willpower to force that damned smile onto his face. That same damned smile that hides all of his inner turmoil and anguish. It has taken him three years to perfect the mask, to finally convince Hakkai without a doubt that he is fine with waiting.

A lie that he makes him to want to scream out the truth.

"I'm sorry Gojyo. I want to, but…" His voice is muffled as he speaks into the fluffy pillow. Breaths come out slowly as if he's trying to calm himself. "But it just feels like I'm betraying her by being with you right now."

'_It's been three years! It's time to move on! Just let me in once and I promise you will like it! If we really are in a relationship for three years we should be able to be intimate once! Just once in this damned relationship._' He screams in his head loudly enough to give him a headache. Loud enough for him to actually bite on his lower lip, teeth digging until imprints are made on the soft flesh, as he tries to the outburst silent. Instead he carefully rises off of the bed, a careless smile gracing his face.

"Ah, don't worry it's fine. I can wait however long you need." Gojyo can only hope that his voice does not sound too fake as he laughs off Hakkai's next round of apologies. "Besides," he leans over to plant a soft kiss on a bare shoulder, lips lingering longer then what they need to before resting his cheek against the back of his lover's skull. "I think if I've waited this long, I can continue to wait. I will be right here for when you are ready."

"Thank you Gojyo. I promise I will be ready soon. Just a little longer."

Carefully Gojyo turns the lamp off, deciding to let Hakkai's words hang in the air. He knows from experience that nothing will help. After all, what is there to say that won't hurt the other man? Nothing.

Silently Gojyo fumes as he lies on his back, trying to keep from touching and vital areas, he refuses to hurt his lover anymore by pleasuring while lying beside him (and he cannot find it in him to run for a bathroom).

'_When?' _He wants to demand out of the other man. How much longer will he have to lie here in bed willing his body to calm down again.

"Do you hate me?" The quiet voice pierces through the blinding darkness.

And Gojyo's fuming stops immediately as he lies stunned at the question that has come out of nowhere. Slowly he blinks as he realizes how it must seem for his boyfriend. And even if he is frustrated and mad, Gojyo realizes that he does not hate his lover.

Rolling onto his side, Gojyo pulls his lover closer, until he feels the bare back against his lightly clothed chest. Carefully he curls up, his body flush with Hakkai's, and rests a chin on the bare shoulder.

"Nah," he whispers in the darkness, lips planting soft kisses everywhere they can reach, "I can never hate you."

The squeeze his hand gets reassures Gojyo. Strengthens his resolve to wait until Hakkai decides that he is ready. Even if it takes another three years because (he realizes as he suddenly kisses frantically on his boyfriend's neck) he loves him too much. Too much to ever let go of him. To allow a small matter break them up.


End file.
